Workout #2

Some Thoughts on Tolerance

Continuing my Soul Workout, I’ve been reflecting on this question: “Am I less tolerant than I could be of other people’s behavior and opinions?”

I’ve been pondering this topic for a long time, partly in reaction to the judgmental attitude that my parents had toward other people. Although in my younger years I too could be quite judgmental, I didn’t like that behavior in myself, not did other people appreciate it! Throughout my adult life I’ve continually reflected on my interactions with friends, family members, co-workers, neighbors, and the folks I’ve run across in my day-to-day activities. Although it seems to me that determinism is a fantasy, this practice of observation and reflection has led me over time to an inkling of something akin to fate, in that as a matter of biological inheritance and environmental influence most people don’t have that much control over who they are, what they think, and how they behave. Yes, there is some control at the margins, but it’s less pervasive and fine-grained than we might think; indeed, the operative word might not be “control” but something closer to guidance or steering of a ship whose underlying direction was set long ago. (Do note that these thoughts are speculative: I don’t mean to imply that I have a settled theory about human nature, let alone univeralist prescriptions, because it’s a subject of high complexity and likely beyond my ken.)

Putting these reflections into practice - which is what matters, after all - has led me to be more tolerant of other people’s behavior and opinions. Do people have control over what they think? If they do - and if you believe that there’s one true opinion that all people would hold if only they were smart or wise or knowledgeable or teachable enough - then in my experience it’s all too easy to get frustrated or even angry with those who see things a different way. If, on the other hand, you recognize that our human reality is irreducibly complex and that there are many valid if partial perspectives on the human condition, then compassion is a virtue, agreement is overrated, and pluralistic tolerance is not merely a necessary evil but a positive good.

For the most part, the same goes for behavioral differences. Naturally, there are limits. I feel no compassion for dictators, thugs, thieves, or murderers, and I feel no guilt over that lack of compassion. My attitude is similar with regard to backstabbing co-workers, nasty neighbors, abusive relatives, and false friends (yes, I’ve experienced them all). Beyond a certain point my goodwill fractures and tolerance is replaced by damage control, avoidance, and forgetting (but not forgiving - a topic for another day). However, that’s the exception; within the limits of civilized discourse and behavior I find that tolerance is the best policy, and it’s one that I’ve actively put into practice over the years.

Sunrise Clouds, 2025-12-11, by Peter Saint-Andre