Freehearted Giving
A Discovery About Myself
Self-knowledge is difficult to acquire, but liberating once attained. Yet it happens, if at all, in a piecemeal fashion - something like the personal counterpart of what historian Carroll Quigley called, at the level of civilizations, “the gradual and communal search for truth”. Recently I realized, while reflecting further on one of the soul workouts I completed six months ago, that I have become a very giving person. This comes as something of a surprise to me, because in my teens and early twenties I was very arrogant and self-absorbed. (I suppose many people are at that age, but it’s something I regret - although, as I like to say, you’re doing well if most of the things you regret doing happened before the age of 25.)
Although I can’t quite account for it, the stance of freehearted giving that has emerged within me must have somehow grown over a span of years. Indeed, I feel that this stance is still in the early stages of blooming, because commitments that I never would have considered earlier in life keep coming unbidden to my mind as completely right - so right that I almost immediately decide to pursue them without much further reflection. The activities and behaviors involved can range from small to huge - from little gifts I’ve been giving to people I know would appreciate them, through steadfast assistance I’ve been giving to close friends and relatives, to massively meaningful offerings that are literally life-changing for a few special people in my life.
I don’t know if the capacity for freehearted giving was always latent within me or whether it’s something that has been activated through my experience of life. Even though it feels like an instance of becoming who you are (as Nietzsche put it), in the end I suppose it doesn’t make much of a difference what the underlying cause really is.
I’m aware that freehearted giving can be rather risky, because I know that in the past some people have exploited this emerging propensity of mine. However, I tend to think I’m a fairly good judge of people and I’ve always been a cautious person; these qualities act as a counterweight to a developing level of generosity that could otherwise land me in trouble. As always, finding the beautifully right balance isn’t easy, but I’m doing the best I can...
I love the compassion that radiates from these recent posts - like bathing in moonshine!
I thought the sparks were stars as well!
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Although our family were non-observant Jews - my parents were both atheists with benign contempt for organized religion, and I consider myself a grateful agnostic - we were still influenced by our cultural and spiritual heritage. Giving is a command in Jewish practice.
My parents were giving people. First, in bigger philanthropic contributions, in the time they spent volunteering on boards and in shepherding projects for the good of the community. They also were worker bees, donating hands-on time to various causes. And in how they treated people every day. Great role models. So it was natural, formally and informally, for me to follow their example. No special virtue on my part...how I raised. Like loving classical music and a well-made pastrami sandwich, with a kosher dill on the side. In my DNA.
A few years back, I did an informal survey of friends who I thought of as giving people, in official and official ways. Almost all of them said they were following the example of their parents, some of who were wealthy and some working class folks scraping by.
Thanks for giving us the gift of your writing,
Beautifully said, Peter! I've noticed a similar development in myself, especially in recent years, though this quality has been a core part of my identity from my earliest memories. While some elements are no doubt biological, some reflect a growing, embodied awareness of how deeply interwoven my interests are with those of others.
Many years ago, reading David Kelley's brilliant monograph "Unrugged Individualism: The Selfish Basis of Benevolence" provided important theoretical seeds. To make them grow and bear fruit has required deep inner transformation and ongoing practice in the art of mindful living.
Today, I discovered that the concept of an expanding sphere of compassion was originated by Greek Stoic Hierocles in his work "On Appropriate Acts". So much we have the ancient Greeks to thank for!